-procrastinating-

I really should be studying right now, but all I feel like doing is snuggling up with the guy and watching the Office, and forcing him to sit through Grey's Anatomy.

So in lieu of being actually productive, I will tell you a story... the horribly embarrassing story of my 'first time'.

Up until I met the guy, I was firmly convinced I wouldn't have sex before marriage. I had what I thought to be iron-clad conviction that I could hold out until then... and then I met the penis. And I really wanted to get to know him.

Long story short, after much subtle coaxing by the guy and my own body's desperate and unfulfilled yearning to be filled up, I finally relented to the system and prepared for the biggest step in my relationship to that point.

We got together, and we agreed to go to the drugstore for condoms. Which is great, but let me give you a very important piece of information regarding the guy; he had only used condoms a very few times before (he was never promiscuous, was only with one long term gf before me, and she was on the pill while they were having sex) and she had provided both the condoms and the know-how of applying one. Basically, in this area he was as inexperienced as me.

We giddily drove together to the drugstore, both very eagerly anticipating the evening, and both a little nervous (well, I was a LOT nervous). Heading into the store, we realized the impending awkwardness of going through the checker's line together with a box of condoms... so we split up and did some really immature 'recon'. He called me from across the store.. he was in the contraceptives aisle and I was blindly walking around listening to him list off the different types of condoms. We finally agreed on a box (spermicidal lubricated) and he went to buy them as I left to wait for him at the car.

When we returned to his apartment, we immediately started tearing off clothes, getting riled up... (it was incredibly difficult for me to get in the mood due to my extreme nervousness), but anyway he managed to get it up, and then we reached for the box.

Before we even started, I whipped out the directions. Sexy right? He's standing there naked, and I'm reading about 'unrolling on the shaft'.

We try to get one on.

Won't roll on.

We realize we tried to unroll it in the wrong direction, so we toss it.

Tried a new one.

Same problem, had to toss it.

Open a new wrapper, examine condom closely, feel for the right direction to unroll it...

The guy is starting to lose his hard on, so we break to get him back up.

Try again. Right direction, won't unroll!! Why?!?

Might I tell you I was starting to find it all a bit funny? In my nervous half-aroused state, I started laughing at our poor attempts to get on a condom... something any 15 year old has better experience doing than these 20-somethings.

Toss it, try another one.

Right direction, once again won't unroll...

Then it dawned on me. My well-endowed man won't fit in this normal sized condom. He's too big! Since neither one of us had really much experience (me less than him) I didn't really realize the magnitude of his man-part until this moment. He absolutely will not fit.

This I thought at the time was absolutely hilarious. I think I was hysterically rolling around on the bed, naked and cracking up as my poor guy got more and more frustrated at both his lack of experience and expertise, and the fact that the fucking thing just won't get on him.

Between bouts of giggling, I told him that I thought he was too big for the condom, and he just looked up at me, stricken, and didn't believe me and wanted to try it again.

We unwrapped a new one and tried to roll it on... with a lot of lube and a lot of force, we managed to squeeze it on past his head, but it wouldn't roll all the way down and he said it started to feel like it was cutting off his circulation.

Right at this moment, I realize we need to go get some special, big boy condoms... which meant another trip to the *same* drugstore. Embarrassing, but at this point, I had my heart set on doing the deed, so we set out again.

A much longer story short, we did end up getting magnums, they did end up fitting him, and two more wasted, unused condoms later we did end up having sex... in three different positions, no less.

After the whole debaucle at the beginning, most of my nerves had vanished because although I was the virgin, it was kind of a first time for both of us.

goodbye for now,
badlittlegoodgirl