low resolution

My little fight/fiasco with the guy remains unresolved.



I recently read in an article in Cosmo that the 'not going to bed angry' mentality is wrong... that it's actually sometimes better to sleep on it because the next morning some of the anger is gone and you can more rationally work through the problem.

I don't know how well this works for me... I couldn't fall asleep for a long time last night because my chest felt heavy and my mind was racing and I was just miserable... I had a midterm this morning for which I got up at 5:30 am, and even in the hours I tried to study before the test I couldn't focus... I was still in anguish over the fight. And my eventual reaction to him.

I told you last night how the guy had sent me two texts trying to explain himself, right? Well, basically they were texts initially apologizing for his actions, and then immediately attacking me and telling me what I did so terribly wrong to deserve his over-reaction. At least, last night this is how these texts felt to me. I was able to ignore them until an hour later he sent a third and final text to me, once again initially apologizing, but taking the moment to attack me on yet another front.

Mind you, I really didn't do anything wrong yesterday! We had a few misunderstandings that got thrown way out of proportion, and they just escalated because we were both having shitty days. But right before he blew up on me, i really wasn't dwelling on it at all.

So stupid, stupid me picks up my phone, gets into text mode, and starts writing him.

1. "Yes, i'm horrible, i ruined your day, and i deserve to have you withhold kisses from me. Got it."

Not one to leave well enough alone at this point, plus as completely enraged as I was, passive-aggressive just wasn't doing it for me, so i continue...

2. "Let me just remind you that after everyone left, you were play fighting with ME and touching me inappropriately... I sure could tell you were mad."

And here is one part of why he was mad at me.. apparently, we play-fought (i would pinch his arm, he'd pinch me back, bite me, etc... it wasn't really overdone, it was in front of the tv and across the room from everyone) too outrageously in front of his brother's fiance and brother, and even though he played along, in retrospect he though it had 'gone too far'. After everyone left, we continued 'sparring' as he called it, but trying kind of play-wrestling and pinning on the ground, where he would playfully grope me when I was in a compromised position. Again, I thought we were having fun... guess not. This was where I tried to take it to he next step by trying to make-out with him, and where he stopped me mid-kiss and sort of pushed me off.

By the way, I had just gotten started on the texts, unfortunately...

3. "Don't think that you can still treat me the way you once did and i will be ok with it. Either you want to be with me and do things differently, or not. You told me you'd be honest."

And here I open THAT can of worms... honestly, it was like finger diarrhea... I just couldn't stop at this point!

4. "AND text fighting is for pussies. Call me when you REALLY want to work something out. And yes, i am angry."

Yes, I basically called him a pussy... well i guess I called myself that too. And yes, I stated the obvious with the anger thing. If he couldn't tell at this point, then he would have had to have some serious mental disabilities. I don't know what had gotten into me.. just so tired, sick of the drama, hating being mad at him, hate him being mad at me... i kind of exploded. And finally,

5. "And now i can't fucking sleep."

That was sent about half an hour after my last text... i think i did it in hopes that he was still awake, that he would feel guilty and call me so we could work it out. Didn't happen... which makes this last text not only seem utterly useless but kind of pathetic.


So yes, here is a documented case of just how terrible I am at making a situation better, or even not horribly wrong. This morning i reread his texts with a clearer head, and the didn't seem as acerbic as they did last night.. but my texts certainly read just as angrily as when i sent them. Ouch.

I called him at work today and left a message on his cell phone going something like this,
"hey it's me, just wanted to call... to kind of apologize for last night and also tell you that we need to talk. I have work tonight so maybe you can call before... or not... *mumble mumble* ok talk to you later...."

Embarrassing that I have the ability to make this whole thing a little worse for myself, and once again completely lose any leverage I might have had in the situation.

Why do i do this???

*xX EDIT Xx*

It has been resolved... everything is back to it's normal, wonderful self.

goodbye for now,
badlittlegoodgirl