after an intense sex session
me: "Boo, you think I should go back on birth control?"
my man: "Uhh, I don't know. It's up to you."
me: "I mean, I was really crazy on that stuff. Like, psychotic. Maybe if I don't skip my period it will be better?"
my man: "Maybe. You weren't that crazy."
me: "Really? Because I thought... and my friend even said I wasn't normal... I wasn't that crazy?"
my man: "Uhh, no you were pretty crazy, I was just saying that to make you feel better."
LOL that was our conversation tonight.
So let me just do a little background, and a rant.
I can't be on normal, daily pill birth control, because I'm not supposed to be sexually active and how stupid would it be for me to have such damnable evidence chilling in my purse? My mom once told me she's not the kind of mother who'd find my diary and NOT read it to 'protect my privacy'. She'd read that shit for sure.
Hiding the daily pill is not an option either. I got deathly sick a month ago and my mother took it upon herself to overturn my room from top to bottom (as in moving shit around, etc), and even rifled through my 'special' drawer right in front of me. She found the batteries I keep for my vibrator and held them up, asking what they were. I said they were for my watch (my vibrator was miraculously in my purse for some reason... don't ask). But the point is, nothing is sacred and there is no way I can keep anything like that on my persons. Oh, and I need to move out.
But i digress.
Anyway, I chose to purchase the Nuvaring birth control, a flexible plastic ring that is inserted in the dark recesses of my body and is left there for the month, slowly emitting hormones... perfect for me because it was an unwrap, insert, forget type thing.
All was fine until a couple weeks into it, when I started to cry for no reason, hysterically. Like clockwork, every night I'd call my best friend and just cry, and through my tears I'd just wail, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M CRYING!!" and I wouldn't be able to stop. The day I took it out finally was when I had gone out to dinner with my boyfriend, sat there tight-lipped and angry FOR NO REASON the entire dinner, and when dessert came I started bawling. In public. For. No. Reason. My boyfriend handled it really well, and after he managed to get me to stop (it took a long time, because I seriously could not control my tears), he looked me in the eye and said "Take it out. Now." I went to the bathroom, pulled that thing out and that was the end of it.
I had morphed into a crazy woman that I didn't like and didn't understand.
I was on the birth control for nearly two months, non-stop (I just took one out at the end of the month and stuck in the other, effectively eliminating my period... who wouldn't want that?) so I did have a chance to play around condom-free and get a feel for it. You know, when I wasn't crying or screaming in anger.
And my opinion about sex sans-condom is... ehh. It was ok. I still used lube (he's big..), it still felt essentially the same to me... I don't know why. It was a let down because to this point everyone was telling me that it was SOOOO different and felt SOOO much better without condoms... and I really didn't feel like there was much difference. Actually, it was less comfortable bare.
Because no one told me how fucking messy it is to have someone ejaculate inside of you. The semen gets EVERYWHERE. I think I had imagined that maybe my body would absorb it, but seriously we had to have a towel ready at the end, because when he pulled out it was going to come rushing out too.... and drip down my legs, etc. I just didn't ever imagine that into the picture before it happened, so that had me pining for the relative convenience of the condom.
And for some reason, it burned when he'd come inside of me. I would be actually uncomfortable for like ten minutes when we were done because of this.
I don't know, the whole experience of being on birth control was just sort of negative... but I'm not really a quitter. I'd try it again, with a few changes... like actually having my period so that my hormones could re-balance at the end of the month. But I don't know what to do about the messiness (or burning... I heard once you could be allergic to semen. maybe that's it?). How does everyone deal with it???? I've NEVER heard anyone give advice on this. Help please.
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6 comments:
Hmmm I know what you mean. I've been on and off bc for so long due to my idiot doctor ...I just went back on a new one last night so it will be interesting. I'll let you know how crazy I get :)
I think it's worth trying something new...it's just hard because everything affects everyone differently, so there's no telling what will happen. Def. go on a low-dose one though!
It's extremely unlikely you're allergic to semen. If it burns, it probably means he has the equivalent of a yeast infection. The yeast commonly hides out in his urethra (the tube inside his penis). Ask him if his penis burns when he comes. Since urine kills yeast, it's a good idea for him to pee before sex.
As using a condom, if he is typical, it is far more pleasurable for him without one. Try running your hand over velvet, and then run your hand over it while wearing latex gloves (like you might use for doing dishes), and you'll see why.
These things, of course, must be discussed and discussed honestly. He shouldn't be afraid to say, "Without a condom is so much better for me", and you shouldn't be afraid to say, "I prefer a condom". Perhaps some compromise is in order.
Finally, you say you use lube. Be sure it's not vaseline, which might destroy the latex of the condom. Use K-Y or something similar. Also, if he's bigger than average he should use a large size condom. Experiment with different brands.
I like your blog, admire your honest and courage and willingness to explore, and hope you and your boyfriend continue in what looks like a very good relationship.
Welcome back! Glad to see you. I do hope you continue with this open blog as opposed to one in which you have to be secretive.
Can you find a really woman-friendly feminist clinic to discuss these things with? No question that many women have had bad experiences with different doses and types, it does seem to vary widely from person to person. In my experiences with women, low dose, period cycling would perhaps be better for you. Clearly moving out is advised for privacy and proper testing of bc types, once you can afford it. As for the burning, I doubt you are allergic to semen. Have you recently changed lubes? Any other symptoms of a UTI?
Messy? Many women sometimes ejaculate copiously (my sweety does), so we put an absorbent washable pad underneath her. AAG, whom I know you read, reports great quantities of lubrication during her most exciting moments. A towel or two would do, as well as a pad, depending on quantity. She finds having a small towel handy to wipe up after helpful too. However, if, at the moment, you prefer condoms.. then great.. use condoms.. ! He does not seem to be complaining.
OH.. and congratulations on completing Uni. What's next for you? Any ideas at all?
don't know quite yet, HSWlover... I'll keep the status of my life updated in the blog though as much as possible.
And thank you for the advice, and thank you to donnylaja as well :)
Having a towel or a pair of boxers or a sock is crucial.
I've always wanted to make a shirt that said, "I used this tshirt to wipe up my girlfriend when I was finished"
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