On the bright side:
I had my last final today :)
On the darker side:
Found out my car is not driveable for the condition of the brakes. So all of my hopes, dreams, and plans for the time directy after I finished school is on hold. I am now at the complete mercy of the people in my household and friends with cars. Oh, and I'm going to be totally broke paying for the repairs.
Let's see: no car means no fun, and no reliable independent means of transportation. Paying for the brakes means no money, no money means no moving out, no moving out means life stagnation.
Also on the dark(er) side, I finally got into it with the parents: I was pushed to explain WHY I needed to have my car repaired in a timely manner, and instead of giving them the multiple, less controversial reasons I yelled that I hated living at home, and I hated living with them.
Needless to say they absolutely freaked out, and I'm an ungrateful, stupid child who will fail miserably in the real world.
Trying to keep a positive outlook, but it's getting pretty difficult here.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Hormone Crazy
after an intense sex session
me: "Boo, you think I should go back on birth control?"
my man: "Uhh, I don't know. It's up to you."
me: "I mean, I was really crazy on that stuff. Like, psychotic. Maybe if I don't skip my period it will be better?"
my man: "Maybe. You weren't that crazy."
me: "Really? Because I thought... and my friend even said I wasn't normal... I wasn't that crazy?"
my man: "Uhh, no you were pretty crazy, I was just saying that to make you feel better."
LOL that was our conversation tonight.
So let me just do a little background, and a rant.
I can't be on normal, daily pill birth control, because I'm not supposed to be sexually active and how stupid would it be for me to have such damnable evidence chilling in my purse? My mom once told me she's not the kind of mother who'd find my diary and NOT read it to 'protect my privacy'. She'd read that shit for sure.
Hiding the daily pill is not an option either. I got deathly sick a month ago and my mother took it upon herself to overturn my room from top to bottom (as in moving shit around, etc), and even rifled through my 'special' drawer right in front of me. She found the batteries I keep for my vibrator and held them up, asking what they were. I said they were for my watch (my vibrator was miraculously in my purse for some reason... don't ask). But the point is, nothing is sacred and there is no way I can keep anything like that on my persons. Oh, and I need to move out.
But i digress.
Anyway, I chose to purchase the Nuvaring birth control, a flexible plastic ring that is inserted in the dark recesses of my body and is left there for the month, slowly emitting hormones... perfect for me because it was an unwrap, insert, forget type thing.
All was fine until a couple weeks into it, when I started to cry for no reason, hysterically. Like clockwork, every night I'd call my best friend and just cry, and through my tears I'd just wail, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M CRYING!!" and I wouldn't be able to stop. The day I took it out finally was when I had gone out to dinner with my boyfriend, sat there tight-lipped and angry FOR NO REASON the entire dinner, and when dessert came I started bawling. In public. For. No. Reason. My boyfriend handled it really well, and after he managed to get me to stop (it took a long time, because I seriously could not control my tears), he looked me in the eye and said "Take it out. Now." I went to the bathroom, pulled that thing out and that was the end of it.
I had morphed into a crazy woman that I didn't like and didn't understand.
I was on the birth control for nearly two months, non-stop (I just took one out at the end of the month and stuck in the other, effectively eliminating my period... who wouldn't want that?) so I did have a chance to play around condom-free and get a feel for it. You know, when I wasn't crying or screaming in anger.
And my opinion about sex sans-condom is... ehh. It was ok. I still used lube (he's big..), it still felt essentially the same to me... I don't know why. It was a let down because to this point everyone was telling me that it was SOOOO different and felt SOOO much better without condoms... and I really didn't feel like there was much difference. Actually, it was less comfortable bare.
Because no one told me how fucking messy it is to have someone ejaculate inside of you. The semen gets EVERYWHERE. I think I had imagined that maybe my body would absorb it, but seriously we had to have a towel ready at the end, because when he pulled out it was going to come rushing out too.... and drip down my legs, etc. I just didn't ever imagine that into the picture before it happened, so that had me pining for the relative convenience of the condom.
And for some reason, it burned when he'd come inside of me. I would be actually uncomfortable for like ten minutes when we were done because of this.
I don't know, the whole experience of being on birth control was just sort of negative... but I'm not really a quitter. I'd try it again, with a few changes... like actually having my period so that my hormones could re-balance at the end of the month. But I don't know what to do about the messiness (or burning... I heard once you could be allergic to semen. maybe that's it?). How does everyone deal with it???? I've NEVER heard anyone give advice on this. Help please.
me: "Boo, you think I should go back on birth control?"
my man: "Uhh, I don't know. It's up to you."
me: "I mean, I was really crazy on that stuff. Like, psychotic. Maybe if I don't skip my period it will be better?"
my man: "Maybe. You weren't that crazy."
me: "Really? Because I thought... and my friend even said I wasn't normal... I wasn't that crazy?"
my man: "Uhh, no you were pretty crazy, I was just saying that to make you feel better."
LOL that was our conversation tonight.
So let me just do a little background, and a rant.
I can't be on normal, daily pill birth control, because I'm not supposed to be sexually active and how stupid would it be for me to have such damnable evidence chilling in my purse? My mom once told me she's not the kind of mother who'd find my diary and NOT read it to 'protect my privacy'. She'd read that shit for sure.
Hiding the daily pill is not an option either. I got deathly sick a month ago and my mother took it upon herself to overturn my room from top to bottom (as in moving shit around, etc), and even rifled through my 'special' drawer right in front of me. She found the batteries I keep for my vibrator and held them up, asking what they were. I said they were for my watch (my vibrator was miraculously in my purse for some reason... don't ask). But the point is, nothing is sacred and there is no way I can keep anything like that on my persons. Oh, and I need to move out.
But i digress.
Anyway, I chose to purchase the Nuvaring birth control, a flexible plastic ring that is inserted in the dark recesses of my body and is left there for the month, slowly emitting hormones... perfect for me because it was an unwrap, insert, forget type thing.
All was fine until a couple weeks into it, when I started to cry for no reason, hysterically. Like clockwork, every night I'd call my best friend and just cry, and through my tears I'd just wail, "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M CRYING!!" and I wouldn't be able to stop. The day I took it out finally was when I had gone out to dinner with my boyfriend, sat there tight-lipped and angry FOR NO REASON the entire dinner, and when dessert came I started bawling. In public. For. No. Reason. My boyfriend handled it really well, and after he managed to get me to stop (it took a long time, because I seriously could not control my tears), he looked me in the eye and said "Take it out. Now." I went to the bathroom, pulled that thing out and that was the end of it.
I had morphed into a crazy woman that I didn't like and didn't understand.
I was on the birth control for nearly two months, non-stop (I just took one out at the end of the month and stuck in the other, effectively eliminating my period... who wouldn't want that?) so I did have a chance to play around condom-free and get a feel for it. You know, when I wasn't crying or screaming in anger.
And my opinion about sex sans-condom is... ehh. It was ok. I still used lube (he's big..), it still felt essentially the same to me... I don't know why. It was a let down because to this point everyone was telling me that it was SOOOO different and felt SOOO much better without condoms... and I really didn't feel like there was much difference. Actually, it was less comfortable bare.
Because no one told me how fucking messy it is to have someone ejaculate inside of you. The semen gets EVERYWHERE. I think I had imagined that maybe my body would absorb it, but seriously we had to have a towel ready at the end, because when he pulled out it was going to come rushing out too.... and drip down my legs, etc. I just didn't ever imagine that into the picture before it happened, so that had me pining for the relative convenience of the condom.
And for some reason, it burned when he'd come inside of me. I would be actually uncomfortable for like ten minutes when we were done because of this.
I don't know, the whole experience of being on birth control was just sort of negative... but I'm not really a quitter. I'd try it again, with a few changes... like actually having my period so that my hormones could re-balance at the end of the month. But I don't know what to do about the messiness (or burning... I heard once you could be allergic to semen. maybe that's it?). How does everyone deal with it???? I've NEVER heard anyone give advice on this. Help please.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Sheepish Return
So... it's almost awkward for me to make my tenuous return to the blog.
I feel guilty for two reasons... one, that I still read all the blogs I used to read and love and comment on, without the commenting, and two, that soooooo darn much has happened since November that I hardly know where to start.
I'd like to give a few, perhaps unnecessary excuses for my absence, and then a quick rundown of key points in my life that have been experienced since the last posting.
This is my last quarter at University, and in less than a week I am a free woman. The complete and total lack of motivation I have in my academic life, and work life, that has hung over my life like a dark cloud the past few months has apparently translated itself into the blog life as well. I think the only 'life' I've had any motivation to improve and to enjoy is my love life. There, I said it.
Also, I'm starting to have a few qualms about keeping a secret blog that my boyfriend does not know about, considering many many posts are about him and our relationship. Stuff of a sensitive nature. I think I began to panic when I maybe accidentally turned him on to SOat24's blog, where I had commented pretty frequently. I have a couple of identity-revealing pictures on my profile, and I felt like I was taking too much of a risk.
I've also been toying with the idea of shutting this blog down and having a more family-friendly blog that I could share with people I knew.. but that would mean there would be no more mentions of sex or really much about my relationship, or drunken nights of revelry with my friends. How much would I be willing to give up for a blog I could truly own?
Anyhow, there are a few dull excuses for nearly 5 months of dead air, so to speak.
A short rundown of things that have happened to me since (that may warrant future blog entries):
I feel guilty for two reasons... one, that I still read all the blogs I used to read and love and comment on, without the commenting, and two, that soooooo darn much has happened since November that I hardly know where to start.
I'd like to give a few, perhaps unnecessary excuses for my absence, and then a quick rundown of key points in my life that have been experienced since the last posting.
This is my last quarter at University, and in less than a week I am a free woman. The complete and total lack of motivation I have in my academic life, and work life, that has hung over my life like a dark cloud the past few months has apparently translated itself into the blog life as well. I think the only 'life' I've had any motivation to improve and to enjoy is my love life. There, I said it.
Also, I'm starting to have a few qualms about keeping a secret blog that my boyfriend does not know about, considering many many posts are about him and our relationship. Stuff of a sensitive nature. I think I began to panic when I maybe accidentally turned him on to SOat24's blog, where I had commented pretty frequently. I have a couple of identity-revealing pictures on my profile, and I felt like I was taking too much of a risk.
I've also been toying with the idea of shutting this blog down and having a more family-friendly blog that I could share with people I knew.. but that would mean there would be no more mentions of sex or really much about my relationship, or drunken nights of revelry with my friends. How much would I be willing to give up for a blog I could truly own?
Anyhow, there are a few dull excuses for nearly 5 months of dead air, so to speak.
A short rundown of things that have happened to me since (that may warrant future blog entries):
- went on birth control
- became a psycho crazy woman on birth control
- went off birth control, and am now again a happy user of condoms
- had a brief condom scare that then involved a trip to the pharmacy and had me trembling the rest of the month
- no I'm not pregnant
- had many earth-moving, soul-shattering revelations about my own character flaws
- pulled my best friend through an excruciatingly difficult time in her life (still excruciating)
- watched porn (and really liked it)
- had graphic dreams involving myself and another random female
I guess those are some of the more interesting things, but I'm sure I've missed some.
Also, I found out I've been linked to from several blogs I've never seen before... and that they linked me AFTER I was dormant. Odd.
Will DEFINITELY be making my presence known once again on the lovely blogs that take up residence in my Google Reader... so happy to be able to actively participate (at least in blog form)!!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
69 and multiples
So, I'm not allowed to actually have any sort of penetration this weekend... but that didn't rule out some other fun things that we did.
First of all, I haven't been totally comfortable with the 69 position before... I usually get pretty self-conscious about the angle of his face in proximity to my back end. Weird hang up, but we had never really gotten past it.
Following a couple goblets of merlot and a large glass of Alize, however, I was feeling pretty down with it.
It started out, as many good things do, with some innocent cuddling. Cuddling turned to spooning, which in turn granted easy access to my very excitable breasts. It ended with me getting naked, taking off his clothes, and disappearing under the covers where I could get more familiar with him.
At some point I twisted around, scooted back, and straddled his face... and that led to one of the greatest sexual experiences we'd yet shared.
He came. Twice. In the span of like 5 minutes. I know this because he came in my mouth, and I tasted it... and then we just kept going and he never went soft... he kind of just got less hard, and then right back to full erectness. So I just figured I imagined him coming the first time and kept going... and he came again! As soon as he did he just said, "Oh my god, what just happened? How many times did I come??!" And laid back in disbelief.
Has anyone else discovered they, or their partner, could do this? I thought it was some sort of urban myth, but the evidence was in my mouth.. and then all over my body. I just didn't think it was possible for men to have a multiple orgasm. And my man was as surprised as me.
Anyway, after the shock wore off he did turn me over and get me off too... but we were both pretty exhausted at this point (he claims he was 'twice as tired and twice as sleepy' as normal) so we napped.
Just thought I would share because I feel that this was a pretty significant event in our love lives.
First of all, I haven't been totally comfortable with the 69 position before... I usually get pretty self-conscious about the angle of his face in proximity to my back end. Weird hang up, but we had never really gotten past it.
Following a couple goblets of merlot and a large glass of Alize, however, I was feeling pretty down with it.
It started out, as many good things do, with some innocent cuddling. Cuddling turned to spooning, which in turn granted easy access to my very excitable breasts. It ended with me getting naked, taking off his clothes, and disappearing under the covers where I could get more familiar with him.
At some point I twisted around, scooted back, and straddled his face... and that led to one of the greatest sexual experiences we'd yet shared.
He came. Twice. In the span of like 5 minutes. I know this because he came in my mouth, and I tasted it... and then we just kept going and he never went soft... he kind of just got less hard, and then right back to full erectness. So I just figured I imagined him coming the first time and kept going... and he came again! As soon as he did he just said, "Oh my god, what just happened? How many times did I come??!" And laid back in disbelief.
Has anyone else discovered they, or their partner, could do this? I thought it was some sort of urban myth, but the evidence was in my mouth.. and then all over my body. I just didn't think it was possible for men to have a multiple orgasm. And my man was as surprised as me.
Anyway, after the shock wore off he did turn me over and get me off too... but we were both pretty exhausted at this point (he claims he was 'twice as tired and twice as sleepy' as normal) so we napped.
Just thought I would share because I feel that this was a pretty significant event in our love lives.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
this weekend
So Susie made a comment on my last post wishing me an equally wonderful weekend (as far as amazing sex and all that). Unfortunately, I'm actually unable to get any (now that Aunt Flo is totally gone, too!)
First of all, the man has gone to Vancouver, BC with his brother for the day today. He's taking care of some family business there, so I wasn't invited along (2.5 hours both ways in a car with a brother you are very close with = plenty of time to talk about the sex we're finally having. Because everyone knew we weren't having sex. I have a blog instead lol).
Secondly, I work all day tomorrow.
And finally (and most importantly, because not much is going to deter me from getting the action I've been craving so badly), there is a 48 hour rule I have to follow.
This is my first gynocologist exam ever.... and it would be fair to say I'm a little nervous.
So 48 hours prior to your exam, you're not allowed to put ANYTHING inside your cooch. Not even feminine products, nothing. So there goes any plans I may have had for a fun sex-filled weekend (when we found the time to get naked and down to it).
And the actual exam is pretty scary... no one but my boyfriend has ever looked at/touched my girlie bits, and now there's going to be a serious intrusion on my privacy.
As a woman who has always dreamt of going into the medical profession, I have a profound respect for doctors and as a patient always try to be as easy-going and cooperative as possible. I want to be the sort of patient that I'd be happy to have myself.
Therefore I will suck up my nerves, take off my clothes, spread my legs, and gracefully allow a long, cold metal object to be shoved into me... in a completely non-sexual way.
I'll let you know how it goes.
First of all, the man has gone to Vancouver, BC with his brother for the day today. He's taking care of some family business there, so I wasn't invited along (2.5 hours both ways in a car with a brother you are very close with = plenty of time to talk about the sex we're finally having. Because everyone knew we weren't having sex. I have a blog instead lol).
Secondly, I work all day tomorrow.
And finally (and most importantly, because not much is going to deter me from getting the action I've been craving so badly), there is a 48 hour rule I have to follow.
This is my first gynocologist exam ever.... and it would be fair to say I'm a little nervous.
So 48 hours prior to your exam, you're not allowed to put ANYTHING inside your cooch. Not even feminine products, nothing. So there goes any plans I may have had for a fun sex-filled weekend (when we found the time to get naked and down to it).
And the actual exam is pretty scary... no one but my boyfriend has ever looked at/touched my girlie bits, and now there's going to be a serious intrusion on my privacy.
As a woman who has always dreamt of going into the medical profession, I have a profound respect for doctors and as a patient always try to be as easy-going and cooperative as possible. I want to be the sort of patient that I'd be happy to have myself.
Therefore I will suck up my nerves, take off my clothes, spread my legs, and gracefully allow a long, cold metal object to be shoved into me... in a completely non-sexual way.
I'll let you know how it goes.
winter break!!!
Wow, it has been a while since I last updated.
Don't blame me... it wasn't my usual laziness that came between this blog and the creative side of my brain, it was the fact that the other half of it was busy memorizing science facts that I would gleefully wash directly out after my finals.
In fact, I don't remember a damn thing that I learned this quarter... and that's exactly how I like it.
So let me just say this: the stress of finals can really wear down your will power.
As in, my man and I finally did the dirty dirty deed... many many times!
It was, UH-mazing. I can't even begin to describe it.
It wasn't just the finals stress though... I was also incredibly hormonal. I had just gotten my period. And there is nothing more frustrating than really wanting something but not being able to have it due to forces beyond your control. I posted before about sex during your period, and came to the conclusion that I don't really like it... but still, I just couldn't help myself this time. The fact that it was almost totally not an option (because of the time of month) and the fact that it had been over 3 months and I'm not a patient woman, and the total 'fuck it all' attitude that came with finals week... combined to give me some of the greatest sex I've ever had.
Also, suspiciously enough I just read this article the other day on Jezebel... and wouldn't you know it, last week my man's antiperspirant ran out!!! Before you get grossed out, let me just say that he's always very clean, and for some reason what ever natural smell he has is absolutely intoxicating to me. Very sexy, manly... ugh, I'm getting excited shivers just imagining him shirtless with me tucked in against him, breathing him in...
So anyway, the fact that finals and this awful quarter are over and that I'm finally getting laid again amount to me being a very happy woman. I have all of tomorrow off in which to read trashy romance novels, get a pedicure, tan, nap, WHATEVER... to my hearts content!!! And on Monday I have my gyno appointment... and soon thereafter my first ventures into condom-less sex. Joy.
Don't blame me... it wasn't my usual laziness that came between this blog and the creative side of my brain, it was the fact that the other half of it was busy memorizing science facts that I would gleefully wash directly out after my finals.
In fact, I don't remember a damn thing that I learned this quarter... and that's exactly how I like it.
So let me just say this: the stress of finals can really wear down your will power.
As in, my man and I finally did the dirty dirty deed... many many times!
It was, UH-mazing. I can't even begin to describe it.
It wasn't just the finals stress though... I was also incredibly hormonal. I had just gotten my period. And there is nothing more frustrating than really wanting something but not being able to have it due to forces beyond your control. I posted before about sex during your period, and came to the conclusion that I don't really like it... but still, I just couldn't help myself this time. The fact that it was almost totally not an option (because of the time of month) and the fact that it had been over 3 months and I'm not a patient woman, and the total 'fuck it all' attitude that came with finals week... combined to give me some of the greatest sex I've ever had.
Also, suspiciously enough I just read this article the other day on Jezebel... and wouldn't you know it, last week my man's antiperspirant ran out!!! Before you get grossed out, let me just say that he's always very clean, and for some reason what ever natural smell he has is absolutely intoxicating to me. Very sexy, manly... ugh, I'm getting excited shivers just imagining him shirtless with me tucked in against him, breathing him in...
So anyway, the fact that finals and this awful quarter are over and that I'm finally getting laid again amount to me being a very happy woman. I have all of tomorrow off in which to read trashy romance novels, get a pedicure, tan, nap, WHATEVER... to my hearts content!!! And on Monday I have my gyno appointment... and soon thereafter my first ventures into condom-less sex. Joy.
Monday, December 3, 2007
Part 2: boob-man
... Part 1 cont'd.
Over the summer, I had been a few months into the break-up with my man, and starting to feel extremely horny. For a while, I really just wanted to jump everything with a penis... because a girl has needs, you know?
So I was signed up for MCAT classes (the standardized test for med schools, if you didn't know), and I was definitely not expecting to be, umm, stimulated? in that course. Because, you know, the demographic of people trying to get into med school rarely include the more genetically fortunate types you see on Grey's Anatomy, etc.
The very first day, I walked down the block towards the building, and a very tall, very good looking guy happened to be walking in the same direction. He reached the door just before me, and held it open. As I thanked him, I wondered if I was in the right place. No way this guy was in my class right? Wrong.
Let me introduce you to Mr. Rugby. A 6'7" (that's right, sequined), ruggedly handsome, very well-built rugby player, he was impressive before you realize that he is also incredibly smart. Good grades, wants to become a doctor... the whole, amazing package right?
Oh, and he also came and sat right next to me. And continued to do so every day.
We were instantly flirting, and joking around and just being smart-asses. And we were also a bit inseparable for a few weeks. If one of us forgot the book, we'd share with the other, heads bent as we pored over organic chemistry (sexy right?).
It wasn't long before he invited me over to see his place. He was subletting in a house filled with guys, but his room was surprisingly clean (and smelled good). We picked up a blanket and a rugby ball and headed to the nearby park. He pushed me on the swing set, we tossed the ball around (he took off his shirt!!), and then we laid on the blanket together in the sun and talked for hours. We then went to lunch, and I called it a day.
But I wanted him.
Sure enough, next class he asked me to come over and study. "Study". When we arrived I made a pretense of bringing out my books, but he immediately reclined on his bed and made absolutely no effort to join my academic efforts. So naturally, I joined him. But, no hanky-panky! We ended up just talking, then spooning, and then napping together on his bed. Then we woke up, me curled against him with my head on his chest, him playing with my hair... but still he didn't try to kiss me. Little alarm bells were going off, but I couldn't pinpoint the reason...
Then I added him on facebook that night.
Mr. Rugby has a girlfriend!!! I was shocked... and then I was dismayed.... and then I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. They could be on break for the summer but continued stay in a relationship on facebook... they could be open to dating other people, etc. But I was starting to suspect this was the reason he wouldn't even kiss me. I decided to wait until he brought it up the next day.
I woke up, saw how beautiful and sunny and warm it was (summers ARE like that in Seattle, you know... sometimes), and donned a little cotton tank top. No bra.
Oh, how I wished I had worn a bra...
I get to class, and he greets me... and then locks eyes on my barely clad chest. And I don't think he looked up, even when class was over and he asked me back to his place to 'study' once again.
Let me tell you, it made me slightly uncomfortable to have a guy staring like that at my chest. i understand it happens all the time to girls, but if you remember, i have very small breasts. There had never been a time before this that a guy had refused to make eye contact with me because he was too busy staring at my tits. It has just never happened before... and I'm kind of glad about it now because it's frustrating to be talking to a face that's pointing another direction the whole time.
We walked to his place again, and again he lays out on his bed. No books. So I oblige, but I'm weary. He has a girlfriend... or does he? I don't know what that deal is, but I still really want to make out with him because, well, he's still really hot. Sue me.
This is where the weirdness happens. We're talking about something mundane when totally out of the blue,
Mr. Rugby, "Can I see your boobs?"
???
I'm so put off that of course, I right out refuse.
Me: "Uhh... *laughs uncomfortably* no...?!"
Mr. Rugby: "Really? Oh come on, you really won't show me?"
And I of course refuse, again. Let me now give you various examples of how he continues to ask to see my boobs. Over and over and over. And I refuse. Over and over and over. I mean, he'd drop the subject for like 5 minutes... we'd talk about something else, and then inevitably:
"Come on, I'll show you mine!"
"Why not, it's fun to be naked!"
"Just for a second, just show me them for a second."
And my absolute personal favorite,
"Let me just see one, then!"
All while staring at my breasts... who were definitely and traitorously perked up at all the attention.
At this point, I am just incredulous. I don't know why I stayed after he asked me twice... listen it may be sick, but I couldn't wrap my mind about how ridiculous it all was. I was still hoping to make-out with him, I think...
At one point, after he asked me why I wasn't flashing him, I answered with, "Because 1) I'm not drunk, 2) this isn't Mardi Gras, I'm not getting any beads, and 3) there's a natural progression to these things... you're kind of jumping the gun."
Another FAVORITE tid-bit slipped in between him imploring to see my chest, my refusals, and some small talk:
Mr. Rugby: "*sigh* I'm a boob man."
Me: "Well, I'm more of an ass guy's chick..."
And finally, when I asked him WHY he just wanted to jump right in to see them, he answered that it is 'less serious' than other things. Uh oh. This is where I figure that the guy is still really in a relationship with his girlfriend, and doesn't want to hook up with another chick... but figures looking at her tits isn't considered cheating. What's more is that all the touching, the trying to pull the straps of my shirt down (ya, even when I refused to take it off my shirt, he thought he would just 'help' me take it off anyway), the tackling, the teasing, all of the things he was pulling on me... would be completely unacceptable behavior. Like, if she found out, she would dump him. Really, what IS cheating?
I asked to be driven to my car.
We get in his car, buckle up, and he turns to me. And he says to me hopefully, "Last chance... you sure you don't want to show me?"
OH MY GOD like it would be doing MYself a favor! And how many times, really, do you have to reject someone until it becomes embarrassing, nay, comical??!!? I, literally, laughed in his face and said "NO" as emphatically as possible.
I went home, kind of in shock, replaying the day. And then I started laughing... only I would get this kind of crazy in my life.
What's better is that he continued sitting next to me for the duration of the course, and didn't at any point feel embarrassed or even apologize for that day... just pretended it didn't happen!
Sometimes i really don't get guys.
Over the summer, I had been a few months into the break-up with my man, and starting to feel extremely horny. For a while, I really just wanted to jump everything with a penis... because a girl has needs, you know?
So I was signed up for MCAT classes (the standardized test for med schools, if you didn't know), and I was definitely not expecting to be, umm, stimulated? in that course. Because, you know, the demographic of people trying to get into med school rarely include the more genetically fortunate types you see on Grey's Anatomy, etc.
The very first day, I walked down the block towards the building, and a very tall, very good looking guy happened to be walking in the same direction. He reached the door just before me, and held it open. As I thanked him, I wondered if I was in the right place. No way this guy was in my class right? Wrong.
Let me introduce you to Mr. Rugby. A 6'7" (that's right, sequined), ruggedly handsome, very well-built rugby player, he was impressive before you realize that he is also incredibly smart. Good grades, wants to become a doctor... the whole, amazing package right?
Oh, and he also came and sat right next to me. And continued to do so every day.
We were instantly flirting, and joking around and just being smart-asses. And we were also a bit inseparable for a few weeks. If one of us forgot the book, we'd share with the other, heads bent as we pored over organic chemistry (sexy right?).
It wasn't long before he invited me over to see his place. He was subletting in a house filled with guys, but his room was surprisingly clean (and smelled good). We picked up a blanket and a rugby ball and headed to the nearby park. He pushed me on the swing set, we tossed the ball around (he took off his shirt!!), and then we laid on the blanket together in the sun and talked for hours. We then went to lunch, and I called it a day.
But I wanted him.
Sure enough, next class he asked me to come over and study. "Study". When we arrived I made a pretense of bringing out my books, but he immediately reclined on his bed and made absolutely no effort to join my academic efforts. So naturally, I joined him. But, no hanky-panky! We ended up just talking, then spooning, and then napping together on his bed. Then we woke up, me curled against him with my head on his chest, him playing with my hair... but still he didn't try to kiss me. Little alarm bells were going off, but I couldn't pinpoint the reason...
Then I added him on facebook that night.
Mr. Rugby has a girlfriend!!! I was shocked... and then I was dismayed.... and then I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. They could be on break for the summer but continued stay in a relationship on facebook... they could be open to dating other people, etc. But I was starting to suspect this was the reason he wouldn't even kiss me. I decided to wait until he brought it up the next day.
I woke up, saw how beautiful and sunny and warm it was (summers ARE like that in Seattle, you know... sometimes), and donned a little cotton tank top. No bra.
Oh, how I wished I had worn a bra...
I get to class, and he greets me... and then locks eyes on my barely clad chest. And I don't think he looked up, even when class was over and he asked me back to his place to 'study' once again.
Let me tell you, it made me slightly uncomfortable to have a guy staring like that at my chest. i understand it happens all the time to girls, but if you remember, i have very small breasts. There had never been a time before this that a guy had refused to make eye contact with me because he was too busy staring at my tits. It has just never happened before... and I'm kind of glad about it now because it's frustrating to be talking to a face that's pointing another direction the whole time.
We walked to his place again, and again he lays out on his bed. No books. So I oblige, but I'm weary. He has a girlfriend... or does he? I don't know what that deal is, but I still really want to make out with him because, well, he's still really hot. Sue me.
This is where the weirdness happens. We're talking about something mundane when totally out of the blue,
Mr. Rugby, "Can I see your boobs?"
???
I'm so put off that of course, I right out refuse.
Me: "Uhh... *laughs uncomfortably* no...?!"
Mr. Rugby: "Really? Oh come on, you really won't show me?"
And I of course refuse, again. Let me now give you various examples of how he continues to ask to see my boobs. Over and over and over. And I refuse. Over and over and over. I mean, he'd drop the subject for like 5 minutes... we'd talk about something else, and then inevitably:
"Come on, I'll show you mine!"
"Why not, it's fun to be naked!"
"Just for a second, just show me them for a second."
And my absolute personal favorite,
"Let me just see one, then!"
All while staring at my breasts... who were definitely and traitorously perked up at all the attention.
At this point, I am just incredulous. I don't know why I stayed after he asked me twice... listen it may be sick, but I couldn't wrap my mind about how ridiculous it all was. I was still hoping to make-out with him, I think...
At one point, after he asked me why I wasn't flashing him, I answered with, "Because 1) I'm not drunk, 2) this isn't Mardi Gras, I'm not getting any beads, and 3) there's a natural progression to these things... you're kind of jumping the gun."
Another FAVORITE tid-bit slipped in between him imploring to see my chest, my refusals, and some small talk:
Mr. Rugby: "*sigh* I'm a boob man."
Me: "Well, I'm more of an ass guy's chick..."
And finally, when I asked him WHY he just wanted to jump right in to see them, he answered that it is 'less serious' than other things. Uh oh. This is where I figure that the guy is still really in a relationship with his girlfriend, and doesn't want to hook up with another chick... but figures looking at her tits isn't considered cheating. What's more is that all the touching, the trying to pull the straps of my shirt down (ya, even when I refused to take it off my shirt, he thought he would just 'help' me take it off anyway), the tackling, the teasing, all of the things he was pulling on me... would be completely unacceptable behavior. Like, if she found out, she would dump him. Really, what IS cheating?
I asked to be driven to my car.
We get in his car, buckle up, and he turns to me. And he says to me hopefully, "Last chance... you sure you don't want to show me?"
OH MY GOD like it would be doing MYself a favor! And how many times, really, do you have to reject someone until it becomes embarrassing, nay, comical??!!? I, literally, laughed in his face and said "NO" as emphatically as possible.
I went home, kind of in shock, replaying the day. And then I started laughing... only I would get this kind of crazy in my life.
What's better is that he continued sitting next to me for the duration of the course, and didn't at any point feel embarrassed or even apologize for that day... just pretended it didn't happen!
Sometimes i really don't get guys.
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